Harsh discipline or ‘punishment’ is about imposing control through authority and power. It tends to be reactive, often in the heat of the moment. There is no discussion, reasoning or negotiation; the phrase “because I say so” is often decreed! When overly punitive consequences are imposed for ‘bad’ behaviour, it can often be counterproductive; children may become resentful, angry and vengeful. Think about how you would feel if a boss or friend started shouting orders, lecturing you or threatening you. Would it make you keen to oblige - or keen to get even?

Not only does overly harsh discipline cause resistance and retaliation, it can easily encourage lying. A child will focus on covering up misdemeanours to avoid punishment, rather than changing the actual behaviour. Finally, remember that punitive consequences fail to teach your child self-control. A child who is always reprimanded without discussion, fails to develop problem solving skills or an ‘inner voice’ that helps them think through behaviour before acting.

What is Positive Discipline?

Positive discipline is about helping your child to learn positive values and develop social skills for life. It may help to think – what am I aiming for as a parent? Getting your child to do what they’re told right now may seem critical in the heat of the moment, but unquestioning obedience is probably not on your list of top adult qualities you aspire to. Instead, most parents aim to raise a young person who is responsible, but also adaptable; adept at compromising and negotiating, skilled at communicating and able to flexibly think their way out of problems. These are exactly the kind of traits positive discipline encourages.

But a word of warning, don’t confuse positive discipline with letting your child do whatever he or she wants! Children whose parents are overly relaxed or “permissive” often struggle with poor self-control and have difficulty committing to decisions.

Positive discipline involves parenting in a warm, kind and respectful way with fair, firm boundaries and relevant, reasonable consequences.

How do I use Positive Discipline?

Positive discipline must be given in the context of a warm, positive and loving environment. The more positive attention and encouraging comments you give your child, the more they will respond to disapproval. Look out for all examples of desirable behaviour and comment approvingly, such as “wow, Daisy, you waited so quietly when I was on the phone, that was so patient of you!”
Choose your battles. Constant nagging and criticism makes children tune out. Decrease the number of commands given to those that are most important. Ignore minor misbehaviour and focus on the things that really matter and read more about helping your kids to listen .
When you make requests use a polite, respectful and positive tone. Ask yourself “if someone spoke to me in thi...

Click here to read more from the Super Nanny