Q: “Our daughter, aged three, is great at doing wee's -she even wakes up to go in the night and is dry. She will not wear nappies. But we are really struggling with poos. She is not scared to sit on the toilet and will do small poos if we catch her in time. Most of the time though she would rather jump around doing the 'poo dance' and when we say ‘do you want to go and do a poo?’ she just says ‘no’ and eventually fights off the urge until the next time. Please can you suggest anything. We are running out of soap powder!”

Q: “My son is four in August, and has been potty trained for wees for more than a year. He WILL NOT and has never once done a poo on the potty or toilet. He only will poo in his nappy. We have tried treats, reward charts, stickers, praise, presents in the bathroom - but NO! Nothing. We have withheld the nappies - then we get tantrums, tears and he holds himself for days or just goes in his pants. I am also at my wits end, HELP!!!!!”

Elizabeth says:

One of the most common and frustrating toilet training roadblocks is when a child willingly pees on the potty but demands a nappy, or uses his pants, for bowel movements. Some children will actually hold their bowel movements and create severe constipation, which further complicates the issue. (Read one mum's story about how her son learned not to hold in his poo ).

Children typically resist having a bowel movement on the toilet, or hold back from going, for these reasons:

• Bowel movements take too long to wait for and an active child dislikes having to sit on the potty for the extended length of time.
• After being used to the squashed sensation of stool coming out into a nappy, the feeling of letting it loose into the air is unsettling and strange.
• A child is used to standing or moving during BMs and sitting still on the potty is an uncomfortable change of routine.
• Your child thinks the stool is part of him and doesn’t understand why he should flush it away.
• A bad experience, such as being splashed on the bottom with urine or water during a movement, or having a messy accident, causes a child to avoid having it happen again.
• Pain from a previously difficult or hard stool makes a child afraid to poo on the potty.
• A current case of constipation is preventing usual elimination.

Don’t try to solve the problem without understanding why it exists.Once you identify your child’s impetus for avoiding bowel movements you can create the best plan for helping him to have regular and natural elimination.

As you put your plan together consider these basic Dos and Don’t Dos:

What not to do:

• Don’t get angry. Don’t scold your child or make her feel ashamed. Your little one isn’t doing this on purpose, he isn’t trying to make you mad, and he doesn’t understand how to solve this any more than you do.

• Don’t make your child sit on the toilet and “try” or push. BMs c...

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