Avoiding Family Feuds at Christmas Kendal

By  Supernanny Team 27/11/2007

Is your enjoyment of Christmas being ruined even before the season starts by the thought of your family descending on you? Are you dreading in-laws who act like outlaws and come complete with ‘helpful’ advice or kids who proceed to wreck your house? The Supernanny team has this advice to help you keep the peace...

Lower your expectations

Over the holiday season, many of us overcompensate for the fact we haven’t seen our relatives all year and it means we expect Christmas to be a time of family joy, nostalgia and closeness. In reality it often isn’t, so don’t expect everything to be perfect. After all when there are a lot of family members gathered together, some tensions are bound to arise. Lots of people means a range of different personality types and some clashes are natural.

Be flexible with your house rules

If your sister’s kids are like a pack of wild animals you can enforce your house rules without necessarily doing any disciplining – after all, that’s up to her. Just make it clear where you draw the line when it comes to behaviour and language (and have a think about any areas where you can let up a little so she and her kids don’t feel as if they’re in boot camp).

So, if you catch her kids watching something unsuitable on TV – calmly state that children don’t watch that channel in your house and switch to another one, or turn off the TV. If they’re staying over but used to a later bedtime, compromise! Suggest that bedtime is pulled back slightly, but let your kids stay up half an hour later so they all meet in the middle.

Bear in mind that some of your relatives may have travelled large distances at huge financial cost, to visit you because that was more convenient for you – and cut them some slack if harmony breaks down

Deflect criticism

Your mother-in-law is bound to have her own ideas about what your kids should and shouldn’t be allowed to do, as well as her own opinions on your abilities as a parent. Outsmart her by seeming to agree with her before you defend your own way of doing things. For example, "I know, they do watch a lot more TV than we used to when we were kids, don’t they? But all the educational programming really helps them with their studies – Jack got an A for his project after watching a documentary on the Arctic."

If you're having to put up with constant sniping because you went back to work instead of staying at home full-time with the children, counter-attack with, “I often think about that decision. But did you hear about that new research that shows children in nurseries turn out to be a lot more sociable and smarter and tend to eat a healthier diet than kids who stay at home with their Mum?” If the criticism persists, try to nip it in the bud by saying, “Yes, I hear you – and I’ll definitely give it some thought after the holidays.” And of course you could go below the belt by pointing out that if her darling son was more successful in his career you...

Click here to read more from the Super Nanny