By Supernanny Team 17/07/2008
Let’s face it, asking kids to do something over and over again drives us all nuts. At school, they do as they’re told. Your partner comes home and they do what he says. But you ask them do to the simplest thing and suddenly they’re deaf and you’re invisible. We've all been there, but yelling at the kids isn't the way to get them on your side longterm, and could even make things more difficult between you.
Have faith, even the most persistent non-listener can change! Just remember, lay down the basic ground rules and be consistent – much more effective than shouting and yelling plus you'll be a GREAT role model!
- What's really wrong? See if there’s a root cause for the bad behaviour. Often “naughty” children are tired or hungry. Maybe they’ve been teased at school that day, or are jealous of a new sibling . “There is usually a reason why. It may be that Dad comes home at 8pm and the child never sees him, or that you’re too busy to ever play with them,” says Suzie Hayman, a family counsellor. “Often we’re punishing children for making justifiable complaints. Tell them you may not be able to change the situation, but you can listen.”
- One thing at a time. It’s no good ordering a five-year-old to put away his clothes, tidy his crayons, and stop bashing two-year-old sister’s head against the wall. Start with what’s most important (his sister’s skull) and when one task is done, move on to another.
- Don't back down. Adopt a policy If your child misbehaves, don’t let it go for the sake of an easy life. If she makes such a fuss about brushing her teeth that you allow her to go to bed with a mouthful of chocolate, she’ll expect it from now on.
- Think positive parenting. It’s better to give approval for good behaviour than disapproval for bad. “Approval should not be generic but geared toward the specific action – ‘thanks for putting your clothes in the drawer’, or ‘thanks for sharing your toys with your brother’,” says Dr Howard Sloane, an educational psychologist and author of The Good Kid Book. “It should also come nearly immediately after the behaviour has occurred, or as close to it as possible.”
- Be specific If there is something you don’t like, let them know – using simple, clear language that points out the problem. When Junior pulls all the food from the fridge, it’s no good saying “You’re being horrid, stop it!” Instead, say: “Don’t take the food out of the fridge, please. Pick the carrots and butter up and put them back on the shelves.” Similarly, ask for what you DO want in a specific way. “Go tidy your room!” doesn’t work. “Let’s put your toys in the box, please” then “Let’s put your sandals back in the wardrobe,” does. Get them involved while you're tidying, and make it fun.
- Be a good role model “It’s very important that you model your own behaviour on the behaviour you want them to emulate,” says Suzie Hayman. “That means you don’t shout , you listen, and you explain. If they are doi...
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